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The spiritual path or whatever you want to call it is no piece of cake no bucket of bliss when somewhere you are saying Yes make me humble Thy Will be Done and somewhere else you are screaming fuck you Fuck You FUCK YOU and you realize you have to take responsibility for watching over the Breath of God flowing through your body in every instant tall order and you want to grow up you want to wake up and at the same time you are happy with your miserable little dream of a life (thank you anyway) you run toward the beauty of Love and at the same time run from the horror of Love you search for your teacher and then try desperately to avoid learning anything from anybody and somehow you are supposed to renounce this world and everything you know yourself to be and at the same time be yourself completely and embrace life in all its fullness this is hell It is tempting to say excuse me, let me off here and I could I am a free human being but I chose this path and I pray for my Yes to get louder and my Fuck You to get quieter and I pray that it will not be just old age which makes me bow my head |
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NEAL KENJI KOGA, though conceived in 1970 in Japan, managed to be born in Massachusetts in 1971. He currently lives either on California's Point Reyes Peninsula or in the Black Forest of Germany. In addition to his vocation as a practicing ontologist, Neal works and plays as a cook, gardener, musician, and linguist. He is writing an essay on the translation of Buddhism into a Western idiom, with the working title, "How the Buddha Lost His Heart." He is also hoping to publish his own English translation of The Voice of the Heart (Die Stimme des Herzens) by Safi Nidiaye, a German meditation teacher and student of Sufism. Despite his online debut, Neal advocates a "low-tech" approach and generally eschews most contact with computers. Neal can be reached at Post Office Box 808, Inverness, California, 94937. |