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RELIGIOUS DOCUMENT
by Neal Koga

The spiritual path 
or whatever you want to call it
is no piece of cake
no bucket of bliss
when somewhere you are saying
Yes
make me humble 
Thy Will be Done
and somewhere else you are screaming
fuck you 
Fuck You 
FUCK YOU
and you realize 
you have to take responsibility
for watching over 
the Breath of God
flowing through your body
in every instant

tall order

and you want to grow up
you want to wake up
and at the same time
you are happy with your
miserable little dream of a life
(thank you anyway)
you run toward the beauty of Love
and at the same time
run from the horror of Love
you search for your teacher
and then try desperately
to avoid learning anything
from anybody
and somehow
you are supposed to renounce this world
and everything you know yourself to be
and at the same time
be yourself completely
and embrace life in all its fullness

this is hell

It is tempting to say
excuse me,
let me off here
and I could
I am a free human being
but I chose this path
and I pray for my 
Yes 
to get louder
and my 
Fuck You
to get quieter
and I pray
that it will not be just old age
which makes me bow my head
 
 

NEAL KENJI KOGA, though conceived in 1970 in Japan, managed to be born in Massachusetts in 1971. He currently lives either on California's Point Reyes Peninsula or in the Black Forest of Germany. In addition to his vocation as a practicing ontologist, Neal works and plays as a cook, gardener, musician, and linguist. He is writing an essay on the translation of Buddhism into a Western idiom, with the working title, "How the Buddha Lost His Heart." He is also hoping to publish his own English translation of The Voice of the Heart (Die Stimme des Herzens) by Safi Nidiaye, a German meditation teacher and student of Sufism. Despite his online debut, Neal advocates a "low-tech" approach and generally eschews most contact with computers. Neal can be reached at Post Office Box 808, Inverness, California, 94937.

 

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